The bypass heart surgery which my grandfather had undergone was a cent percent successful one.
Relatives from distance,family members and all near and dear ones were in the vicinity of grandfather as they had come to meet him.
I was still in Sambalpur and enquirying about his health from my dad,siblings and aunty in every possible leisure that I got.
In 2nd of November I took a night bus from Sambalpur at 10 and reached Bhubaneswar by 5 in the dawn.
I hurried up to my home and then went to hospital after having my breakfast at around 9 in the morning.
Grandfather was still in ICU and except doctors and hospital staffs no one were allowed to enter inside the ICU.
There is always a benefit of having a doctor in your home…….yeah my youngest aunty Arma was a doctor by profession and so she managed to convince the doctors to let me go in and meet my grandfather.
When I went inside the ICU I was dumbstruck seeing him.A face that always glorified with smiles…and laughs was now flooded with uncountable tears rolling down his cheeks.He recognised me from a distance and called me close to him.His hands were swollen,a span of stitches in the calf muscle of both the legs,black scar marks that the injections made all over the thighs and arms was less grief-stricking than the pain I saw in his eyes.Pain of separation….pain of lonliness….pain of the strong emotional attachments just because he had a fear of leaving us…….far far away from where he could never come back.
Gathering all the courage I said to him,”why are you crying.You are all okay and the doctors will discharge you within two to three days.After that we will again be the normal we…..fighting….quarelling….enjoying….laughing…discussing about many more things.”
He said,”I don’t feel like I can go back to home again”.
I interrupted him in the middle of the sentence for I couldn’t hold my emotions….I was on the verge of crying and then I said that it’s time for me to go,I will come back again on 12th November to meet you and by that time you will be at home.
On 12th of November when I came to Bhubaneswar again by that time grandfather was not discharged.He was suffering from asthma and so it was not safe for him to go home.
I went to see him in the ICU where he was breathing with the help of a nebulizer.I said him,”see am again here for you and this time you will be discharged surely”.
He was not responding to me…..lost in a complete different world….He said me to call his youngest daughter Arma.
He said to us that,”the life that we are living is the biggest lie….everyday we struggle so hard to live,work for our dreams,encounter a million problems but all this is just in vain because our lives are not ours.It is the most precious gift the almighty has bestowed upon us but we forget to thank him.DEATH is the biggest and bitter truth of all mortals that they never accept.
I can’t guarantee you that I can go back home with you all alive….may be the next moment I will die but the values and virtues you inherited from me shall pass on.This year was a whole sum of happiness….may be I am destined to die this year…..All the happiness was a pre compensation for my death”.
I had my exams from 14th November and so I hurried to Sambalpur on 13th November.Meanwhile I kept on enquirying about his health and every time his health was deteriorating.My father said me that grandfather was brought home for he has very mere chances of survival…….I was praying to the almighty to do some miracle and save him.Exams got over on 17th and I went back to Bhubaneswar.I reached there at around 3 in the dawn.
To my surprise everyone was awake.I was a bit confused to see them……A feeling of coldness wrapped me and my heart began to pound…..I searched in all the rooms but grandfather was not there…Our home was packed with many people…with both familiar and unfamiliar faces.
My father was crying and it took me to the notice that I never wanted to hear.My aunty Arma hugged me and began to cry…….The sound of wailing and crying got louder and louder as the minutes passed by……I was numb…unaware about the way I should behave……..I began to cry…..
The only thing that haunts me the most is I couldn’t see him at the end……when everyone was around him…I was appearing a got damned fucking examination…..
He died on 14th November…..just a day after I left Bhubaneswar……..But at the end it all happens with the almighty’s wish…..we are no one to regret for everything that happens to us….because it brings a million more reason to live our lives and understand it’s worth…….